Saturday column: By what principle do we choose our lovers

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Sometimes you suddenly find yourself in a quiet and calm harmony of what is happening: your life and your order of things, for once, do not just suit you, you feel good from them. It’s good to wake up, it’s good to fall asleep, everything is all right at work, you are high to be yourself, you have a great time with your friends, have a great time alone. In general, the life carousel seems to let you go quietly contemplate being on the lawn of eternity. It is at this moment that someone usually appears. This someone wants to share with you what you no longer really want to share.

You are beautiful alone on this lawn. And do not sneak towards you. Every now and then, look, settle down next to him or take by the hand and drag them to these merry-go-rounds.

That is exactly what happened. My new acquaintance not only sought to disturb my peace, but also was almost one and a half times older than me. When he called me for dinner for the first time, I went out of curiosity and with the confidence that I would just tell funny stories to my friends. It’s not enough when a date goes as well as when you don’t even think and worry about how it goes. The interlocutor turned out to be smart, deep and incredibly interesting. But funny stories for friends did not work out at all. Everything was just perfect, and one meeting was followed by an invitation to another.

Since I liked how everything went, I naturally thought about the continuation: about sex. And thoughts about it caused quite a strong excitement in me. Of course, you can’t say about him that he suits me as a father, but the difference between us is really big, and this has not happened in my experience. What if he disappoints me or, conversely, I get bored? I thought: is the age difference converted into additional experience and skills? And to what extent, to a certain extent, does our temperament depend on age and experience?

When your young lover disappoints you, it is always somehow easier to justify this by the lack of experience and feelings. You do not require skills from youth, because they need a certain degree of sophistication. When you are dealing with someone older, then failures look much more fatal. But sex is not a sporting event. Its quality has nothing to do with metrics measured in centimeters, hours or repetitions. Sex, in which you changed ten times from one meaningless pose to another, can easily give way to sex with one modest change of position. As well as the years of “training” do not affect the result of your evening. The experience of bad sex over the years, alas, does not transform any of us into a good lover.

Now remember your best lover. I am almost sure that your sex was not so special about how many times a week you had it, and not what incredible parameters of a porn actor your partner had. And something completely different. For example, his (her) smell, the ability to respond to each other's impulses, the feeling of fluff between the pads of one finger and the skin of another. Or how he (a) made you laugh, and even during sex. Or how exciting the moment before the first touch was, and how long this moment could be maintained, filled with excitement and excitement. The words you said to each other. The opportunity to speak. Match your fantasies. Admiration for each other. Pure, complete delight from the upcoming or already happening.

I believe that sex is a wonderful act of humanism, love of humanity. Therefore, every time you become lovers, there is no better idea than giving love. Let you meet only today or know each other for a long time, plan to never meet again or be together all your life – it doesn’t matter. Whatever your future plans are, let them go if you were lucky enough today to undress another person. Undress with love and enthusiasm, with joy and sincere pleasure from the fact that you have a whole living person and how much pleasant you can give each other. Then sex will be really good. And looking at the question from such an angle, you find nothing vulgar in calling it “making love”. Make love even if you don't love each other. Otherwise, it makes no sense to do this at all.

Read also: Saturday column: How to get rid of unnecessary habits and change your life

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