Olga Filatova's column: How to build a healthy relationship with yourself

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The inspirer, founder of the Edem Resort Medical & SPA complex, a psychotherapist, an active member of the British Association of Anti-Age Medicine, Olga Filatova, told us how to find and love herself

Often, guests who come to us at Edem Resort for restoration have various goals: someone is tired of the hardships of being, someone has poor health and batteries are low, someone has a goal to lose weight before the New Year, Well, someone needs a great physical shape … but it happens that people come to find themselves …

"Do you love yourself?" – we ask a banal question, and most people will answer it: "Yes, of course, after all …" I recently went to the spa … indulged in a delicacy … went on vacation … bought a new thing .. . "- and so on. Guessed? Is that what you think?

And it’s good if you answer this question: “Yes, I love myself,” as it often happens and vice versa. Let's talk about this topic, because there is a deeper layer of how we relate to ourselves:

Are we satisfied with ourselves or constantly want to improve ourselves.
Do we criticize ourselves for mistakes or accept them as experience.
Do we value ourselves, our desires, our successes, our time and space.
Do we know about our needs and how we relate to them.
Whether we take care of ourselves or habitually leave it “for later”.

All this is also about attitude to oneself and relations with oneself. If you want, then about love-dislike for yourself. I propose to reason together:

What is self-love, what does it consist of.
Where does self-dislike and self-discontent come from.
How our attitude towards ourselves is formed.
How to learn to treat yourself differently.

Relationship with oneself is very important. With them begins:

our emotional state
the way we move through life
the way relations with other people develop (after all, others only reflect our attitude to ourselves).

In general, all the most important things in our life!

I often note that we are people from the post-Soviet space, where violation of the personal boundaries of privacy was the norm. As a result, we often do not know how to respect not only the privacy of other people, but also our own. Do you know the feeling of dissatisfaction with yourself? And me too. She noticed that it can manifest itself for no apparent reason, and for them our psyche “picks up events”: then we always correct ourselves (we lose weight or change our colors, go to personal growth courses), then we criticize ourselves – all this is about feeling that “with me that something wrong. "

Regardless of the number of diplomas – we study all our life. As a motivator for active actions, this is even sometimes a saving strategy, but aren't the problems of upbringing at the root when the parents do not praise the child, but point out the flaws with much greater zeal?

Self-dislike has many facets, including putting their needs in the last place or not realizing them at all, ignoring them.

How often do we not value our time, our space? We spend it unscrupulously, spending life not where we want … How often do we not accept our uniqueness (I am the same as everyone else), our speed (I am a brake) and personal identity?

And now a case from life. It happened to you that you planned your time in the family, with a cup of tea, or with friends, but suddenly a call from work changes your resolve and you refuse your “I” in relaxation or pleasure? I’m sure that more than once.

This story is on the verge of self-sacrifice about how we learn from childhood to put ourselves in last place or do not know how to say no (after all, to earn value and love and, as a result, to be needed so that you are not abandoned is the main pain of childhood).

All these are indicators of the attitude towards oneself, which with age and a lower understanding must be changed. Indeed, from unhealthy relationships with oneself, self-criticism and discontent, there are a lot of psychosomatic diseases, autoimmune diseases (from allergies, neurodermatitis to asthma), slow self-destruction through alcohol, smoking, prolonged depressive states associated with an unhealthy attitude to oneself and the fact that the person himself eats, because nothing goes in vain, and immunity is synchronized with this attack on yourself.

No, I do not call for egoism (this is another extreme), I just want to emphasize and stress – how important it is to learn to listen and hear yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself.

And this is also about your inner child and inner parent.

Are you a parent who supports himself, responds and takes care of himself? Or is it just controlling and criticizing? Think about it!

“I am good” is about conditional love, and it comes from childhood.

The "good – bad" system is an evaluation category, and you must learn to accept yourself with the two sides of the coin, the true.

And I understood with age that leaving the present from myself leads to a total dislike of myself. So, what do we take the benchmark for ?! If you have a healthy relationship with yourself, then you are implementing the following aspects:

feel safe (do not destroy yourself by criticism, be able to support yourself)
feel your worth
be accepted by significant people
to be understood by loved ones
be yourself, define yourself
feel like the other cares
so that the other takes the initiative no less than you yourself
Be able to express love for yourself and for another.

I offer a marathon:

A month does not criticize yourself and do not “ignore” your feelings (including aggression), accept and respect your experience (primarily negative), because all this is part of your valuable, significant story. Go to the mirror with the words: "How good it is to be me!" or "Good that I am!"

And then, I guarantee, the inner (and outer) world will sparkle with new colors, and the energy of life will begin to arrive more and more every day, sorting through the rubble of yesterday’s dislike for itself.

See also: Olga Filatova: "Age is read from a distance on a walk, and this can not be fixed by any facelift"

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