How to live and work with toxic people

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Suppose you are a normal person or think of yourself that way. Around you is full of whiners, perfectionists, nerds and wiseacres. How to maintain calm and productivity among all this human diversity? Gathered helpful tips.

“Life is too short to live in scandals with other people,” these words of Rob Lilley, an expert in healthcare, personal growth and social issues, could be the motto for many, but, unfortunately, in personal and working relationships we We regularly encounter phenomena that confound, offend and demotivate. To avoid this, we study the types of toxic people and learn to coexist with them, preferably peacefully.


If you are a wholly optimistic person, you will surely have a person next to you who is confident that “nothing will work out”, “life is pain” and so on. This is a very subtle toxicity built on pity. A man comes to you for support, do you really have the audacity to refuse and not show sympathy! Our internal resources tend to run out. Therefore, sooner or later, the moment will come when meetings with an ever-complaining girlfriend will be minimized. But what if there is a crybaby at work? You come to the meeting with a great idea, and they comment on it with a mournful expression on their face, saying that it’s “impossible”, “beyond their strength” and so on. “Negative colleagues are often dangerous people, but not inventive or creative. In front of inventive and creative people, they experience their own limitations and try to compensate for this difference by spoiling your ideas, ”explains Rob Lilley.

What to do? Try creating alliances, coalitions, and alliances with other colleagues. Tell them about your ideas, ask for their opinions. Bring your friends or acquaintances to business, get positive feedback. When you talk about your idea, make sure that all colleagues are in place. Crybaby and whiners often disappear when they discover that they have no allies and are in the minority.


Know-it-alls have an incredible need for recognition of their intellectual abilities. They are very boring and tiring! Know-it-alls are very complex people. They can be badasses. They are so confident in their innocence that arguing with them is pointless. They can be very convincing. They like to talk as if they are talking to you like a child. This is very annoying! Know-it-alls of the second type dominate discussions and love to be in the spotlight. They are experts in all matters: from hydrocarbon reactions to the early period of Picasso's work.

What to do? In dealing with know-it-alls, avoid dogmatic statements; Do not speak hypothetically and do not be double-digit; Do not humiliate the know-it-all with other people, this will provoke a conflict; be prepared to become a know-it-all friend even at work, in fact, they are good, just lonely.


These people complain about everything in the world, but never resort to actions to change something. They seem to just like it. If the crybaby wants to be pitied, bores simply enjoy stating unpleasant facts, without which everyone around could live in peace. Bores always find someone's fault in everything, but not their own. Sometimes it seems that the existence of problems, and not their elimination, inspires these unbearable bipedal people. Constant complaints can cause other people to defend themselves. Complainants consider themselves powerless, but at the same time correct and perfect. It is powerlessness that makes them think that they cannot change anything. In such a situation, it is better to complain to those people who can do this.

What to do? Tediousness does not cancel mind and talent. Often, those who complain a lot share in the process of exchanging emotions their options for solving particular problems or tasks. So why not use them, not show an example of what – your idea worked! It is possible that this will serve as an incentive for turning boring into an effective member of the team.

Too helpful

Overly helpful people are always sensible, sincere and support you while talking face to face, but do not always do what they say. They want to be friends with everyone and love attention to themselves. However, there is a dark side to them. They tend to trick you into discussing common issues. They will willingly agree with your plans to complete a specific task only so that you do not complete it. Like this? Easy! Overly helpful people tell you what you want to hear, and this, as a rule, can distort reality.

What to do? And if you are a leader yourself and you have come across a too helpful person in the team? Then call upon all your calmness and begin to act. First, let the subtle nature know that you value her as a person, take an interest in an opinion on something, ask for advice, but only from a pure heart, otherwise it won’t work; ask the person to tell you about those things that can interfere with your good relationship; be prepared for compromise and negotiations if there is a threat of open conflict.


Negatives can best be described as individuals who not only disagree with any proposals that appear in the group, but also those who are the first to criticize even progress. Although criticism can be constructive, it disrupts the rhythm of moving forward in the work environment and can negatively affect interpersonal relationships at work. Another type of person is a skeptic. Usually the behavior of those who want to deny everything that was invented by others, and especially groups of colleagues, is due to deep internal conflicts. Skeptics and negativists are concerned that they have no influence on what is happening and life in general. Therefore, they are so angry and aggressive.

What to do? If you work with negativists and skeptics, adhere to the following procedure: do not try to deprive such people of pessimism; Do not propose alternative solutions to problems on your own until they are discussed in detail and you clearly do not know what you are dealing with; Be prepared to make decisions yourself; do not be critical of critics; they will only provoke them, gather a sufficient number of arguments or counterarguments, and only then act.


Scary people. They always check everything a hundred times, they don’t trust anyone, they think that dying at work is normal, even if you do not live in Japan. To prevent this from happening, help the perfectionist take a time management course. Teach him to distribute the work into parts and set deadlines for each of its segments. Thus, your familiar pedant will improve your sense of achievement by completing tasks on time. If your leader is a perfectionist, you can only sympathize, but also be glad. Why? Yes, because in his quest for excellence, he will also tighten your skills.

What to do? Do not try to outperform the perfectionist in his own game; make him realize that the overall picture is sometimes more important, and, following the facts, explain why. To remind perfectionists of the big picture, help them understand the timing, priorities and acceptable standards.

The full instructions for dealing with toxic people can be found here: Roy Lіllej “Yak vzєє vodyє vodyє problemy people”, vidavnitsvo “Fabula”.

See also: How to make decisions when everything is against you.


                                                            toxic people

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