How to learn to control your inner critic

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If self-criticism hinders the development and building of relationships, and the inner voice is always dissatisfied with something, something needs to be done. Next – the original theory of the harmful "monkey" in our head and instructions on how to calm her down.

“What kind of monkey is that?” – you ask. From Denny Gregory's book “Shut Your Monkey”. The Anglo-American artist, creative director, teacher, author of sketch books and books – a man of all these professions, of course, could not just create a book about self-development. Gregory developed a whole theory according to which a monkey lives in the head of each of us. She criticizes, interferes with striving for new things, dissuades from making important decisions. In fact, the author writes about the amygdala – the area of ​​the brain that plays an important role in the formation of human emotions. Social interaction, fear, aggression, anxiety come to us precisely from there. Gregory speculates that this area of ​​the brain was indispensable when a man hunted for a mammoth and escaped from predators, but now the “monkey brain” is playing wicked jokes with us. Modern man has protected himself from external enemies, therefore, as a danger, our amygdala began to perceive completely different things. But the voice, whose purpose is to prevent and lay straws, remained? and without going through adaptation to new realities. In short, to stop fighting with yourself, especially if you're a creative person, Denny Gregory came up with a path to harmony.

Types of Self-Criticism

So, as soon as you need to make an important decision that can change your life, you begin to doubt yourself. You hear an inner voice that says that your idea will not lead to anything good. Suddenly, you begin to feel unwell, dizzy … After which fatigue comes by itself. “Maybe, well, his …” This is your inner monkey in action. She is trying to suggest that she cares about you, but actually only makes it worse, preventing her from developing and being realized. To fight the enemy, you need to know him in person. Danny Gregory singled out the following groups of “monkeys”: nonsense – always convinces his master that he is a loser and will not cope with the task; paranoid – fixated on the opinions of others, considers, likes to tell that nobody loves and respects you; economist – on occasion, reminds you that any careless move will cost you housing and money; “Ah, well, him!” – this animal offers to hammer on everything and try sometime later. There are still utopian monkeys, doctors, gossips, saints and anxious monkeys. And they are all evil and evil.

Perfectionism is not cool

“At first glance, perfectionism has nothing to do with monkey machinations. After all, the desire to do everything as best as possible, the desire for high standards, maximum efforts are completely rational things. However, the problem is that the monkey insists that you achieve perfection in everything you do. Not only in work or creativity, but also during washing, parallel parking, push-ups from the floor, ”Gregory writes. the author compares perfectionism with pride. Say, you think that you can do better, because only you deserve the best. And when you realize that your ideal, supposedly achieved, does not save the world, you begin to bite yourself even more. The writer claims that perfectionists are no more productive than those without hysteria and obsession. “When your priorities are set incorrectly and you start shaking on random details, it becomes much more difficult to do the work. Take your opportunities and priorities realistically. Accept that in most cases “good” is already perfect.

Why are we afraid of change

Monkeys like reliable, predictable habits. She wants to program in your mind the standard reactions that you come to regardless of their appropriateness or compatibility with your interests. This leads to the fact that you stop making original decisions and producing ideas – to be afraid of change. Gregory writes that “change is the only constant in the world. so be prepared for them. Learn to be flexible. Stretch your mind, your imagination, your assumptions, your body. You should not rely on anything other than your own desire not to sleep and be in the know. Ideas and rules that were once reinforced concrete will someday rust. ” Indeed, today, when everything on our planet is undergoing drastic changes, it is necessary to be agile and flexible. Undoubtedly, we still need principles, values ​​and a sense of why we are all doing this. However, you must be prepared to change the ways in which we achieve our goal; to be ready even for uncharted paths and not shy away from the very first strangeness that comes across the path. “The ability to resist the dull past that your monkey clung to is simply necessary for you to survive in our time. We should open up to everything new, focus on the big picture – and work for five, ”the author leaves us no choice.

How to not accept rejection

Gregory addresses his book, first of all, to creative people. If you are one of those, then you are faced with additional torment: what if my article-picture-role doesn’t please anyone? This position is also a trick of the monkeys. Self-criticism should be constructive, not demotivating. Therefore, the author suggests thinking, why are you so worried about the opinions of others? Maybe because you do not have enough self-love? Gregory writes that even the most ingenious works of art are not everyone likes. And this is normal. “If one person does not accept you, do you really think that all people will do that?” If one person refuses to accept your work, one committee, one client, the monkey will make you turn this rejection into something personal, to reject you as you are. One judge will seem to you the representative of all the judges. the sudden subjective decision of one person in relation to one of your actions immediately turns you into an outcast of the human tribe, ”the author makes a diagnosis and calls for less emotional attitude to certain situations, because criticism is not always unfair.

How to fight a monkey

Danny Gregory believes that you can’t completely kill a monkey, because it was she who made you the way you are. But you can reduce its influence, minimize it. The recipe is simple: you need to gradually abandon old habits and change your attitude towards the world. The writer recalls: “A monkey likes to impose rules and take everything to the extreme. However, it is in your power to refuse this. Life is just a series of different waves and movements. Moods and feelings appear and disappear. By acknowledging this fact, you will be able to accept it. Sometimes you will be swept by anger or a feeling of monotony, but it will pass. ” Gregory writes that it is necessary to analyze the thoughts that the eternal critic puts into your head. Why are you afraid of a particular situation? Write down the reasons on a separate piece of paper. Reread, accept and release. Hysteria and hasty decisions are what should disappear from your life if you want to get out of the control of the “monkey in your head”.

The story of the struggle with the internal critic, illustrated by funny pictures, can be read here: Denny Gregori “Chair the stick of your mavpі. Yak zdobuti control over your internal critic and that is productive ”, a kind of“ Fabula ”.

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TAGS:
                                                            psychology,
                                                             relations,
                                                            self development

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